Are You Guilty of "Success Bombing"? Experts Explain the Signs

"Celebrate your wins" is standard advice — especially for people who quickly move on to their next goal without acknowledging the progress they've made. But have you heard about success bombing? This phenomenon occurs when people bombard you with their accomplishments too much, never stopping to ask about your life or how they can celebrate you.

If you're wondering where the line is between success bombing and giving yourself kudos, consider your audience: self-praise in your own mind differs from publicly aggrandizing your accomplishments. Success bombing refers to when "someone brags excessively about their accomplishments in a social interaction," according to therapist Natalie Moore, LMFT. When something positive happens, like getting a raise or completing a 10K run, a success bomber will steamroll the conversation and make it about themselves.

Below, two relationship experts explain why people engage in success bombing — and what to do if you recognize this behavior in yourself or someone else.

Natalie Moore, LMFT, is a holistic therapist specializing in people pleasers and women navigating anxiety and trauma.

Daryl Appleton, EdD, is a wellness consultant and Fortune 500 executive coach.

Success bombing involves "repeatedly highlighting your accomplishments in a way that's not allowing other people to connect and share what makes them happy, healthy, or proud," says wellness consultant Daryl Appleton, EdD. "When we constantly brag, it's just a facade of perfectionism because there's no such thing as wins all the time." Similar to love bombing, which entails excessively showering someone with gifts or affection, success bombing may serve as a defense mechanism to hide vulnerabilities or reinforce worth.

For example, a success bomber's social media posts might give the impression that their life is nonstop parties and vacations. Job-related success bombing might involve bragging about one's income, name-dropping celebrities, or advertising new products or services. "It's all about flaunting your successes and accomplishments as a way of gaining validation from others," Moore says.

Another sign of success bombing is a lack of reciprocity, Moore says. It tends to occur in a one-sided interaction where the success bomber monopolizes the conversation, and they typically don't ask the listener if they have updates to share.

It seems counterintuitive, but someone who inundates others with their accomplishments might be struggling with low self-esteem. "They success bomb as a way of making up for a lack of self-confidence," Moore says. They might hype up their success if they haven't reached what some consider milestones (like getting married or buying a home) and they feel uncomfortable with their circumstances.

Seeking external validation is another reason people take bragging to the extreme. Their goal might be to assert their status or mask their insecurities. "We all need external validation," Dr. Appleton says, adding, "There's nothing wrong with getting external validation."

As human beings, we have a desire to feel seen, heard, and understood, Dr. Appleton says. Let's say someone is going on a blind date, reuniting with college classmates, or meeting a partner's folks for the first time — they may be more likely to engage in success bombing when they're worried about being rejected or judged.

Considering success bombing's potential to alienate others, it might seem like you should avoid bragging entirely. However, there's upside to sharing wins in moderation. A few benefits:

There are, however, drawbacks. The cons include:

If you recognize this behavior in yourself, consider the origin of your need for external validation and how you can fill it with internal validation, including healthy activities and support systems, Dr. Appleton says. It might be worth exploring this habit with a coach or therapist who can offer alternative ways to tell your story. For instance, you can discuss what you've learned, challenges you've overcome, or the team, mentors, or supporters behind your successes.

When sharing something positive, be mindful of people's reactions and whether they seem excited or detached. One instance where it's appropriate to share accomplishments: if you're in a professional group whose members get together to consult or network. "You can even make it into a structured game where everybody goes around in a circle and shares a win," Moore says. "That way, it becomes more of a shared group experience."

Another strategy to tone down success bombing is to ask people about their wins. Expressing curiosity about people's journeys gives them space to share, especially if they're uncomfortable with self-promotion or having the spotlight, Dr. Appleton says. Moore agrees, suggesting the following questions: "What's going on in your life? What are you excited about? What are some things I can celebrate for you?"

Making the interaction reciprocal and being mindful of the context can help. For example, if a friend talks about how hard work has been lately, it's better to listen than launch into your success stories. You don't have to dull your shine, but perhaps focus on more relatable topics.

Depending on your relationship with the success bomber, there are different ways to address it with them. On social media, you can mute or unfollow someone. With virtual groups, you can consult the moderator or other members about strategies for maintaining a positive group environment. If you feel comfortable addressing the person directly, Moore recommends using "I" statements followed by a request.

Here's what this can look like with a friend or family member:

If you're dating someone who frequently boasts about their job, Dr. Appleton suggests saying, "It sounds like you're really invested in your career. What else do you like to do?" If the success bomber is a boss or colleague, try redirecting the conversation by saying, "You do a lot of great things and must be so proud of yourself. Do you mind sharing what you've had to overcome to get there?"

If, after having a conversation, the person doesn't show signs of changing or wanting to make the relationship reciprocal, you can set boundaries with them. "You can also choose to distance yourself or not engage in a relationship with them," Moore says. On the other hand, "if you're really annoyed by someone's successes, it's also a prompt for you to think about why that is," Dr. Appleton says.

Sometimes we write people off the minute they do something we dislike. "Maybe they're nervous or had a bad day, or coming off a high after a ton of lows," Dr. Appleton says. Bragging doesn't mean they're a bad person or lacking humility. Remember, success bombing reflects an unhealthy need for validation that doesn't foster connection or dialogue between people.

Nandini Maharaj, PhD, is a trained therapist with a master's degree in counseling and a doctorate in public health. Her writing on health, wellness, relationships, and dogs has been featured by PS, Self, Well+Good, Business Insider, Apartment Therapy, the American Kennel Club, and more.