Find My Friends Changed My Friendships

My friends and I share our locations indefinitely through the Find My app, formerly known as Find My Friends. Sometimes, when we don't get that "home!" text, we check the app to see we've all made it home. When one of us is on a date with a new person or out late, we have each other's location to ensure we're safe or to hold each other accountable.

This friend group consists of women and people in the LGBTQ+ community, so we tend to be on higher alert about each other's safety. And while you never want to imagine the worst-case scenario when it comes to personal safety, many of us live in big cities, so having each other's location gives us peace of mind.

My friends and I lovingly refer to our little avatars as our Sims. When we go on trips, it's fun to see all the Sims scattered around the globe.

Find My was introduced by Apple in 2011. Since then, it has become a marker of friendship, creating a new level of trust. When you give your friends access to your location, you let them see your every move. And while you might start out by sharing locations before hanging out or meeting up at a concert, many end up sharing locations indefinitely. According to a recent survey commissioned by Bumble For Friends, 54 percent of Gen Z respondents view sharing their location as a form of affection, with 51 percent viewing it as the ultimate sign of friendship.

While the Find My app has been helpful, it also inherently changed my relationships.

Recently, I noticed one of my best friends came to my city for a week and didn't tell me. I found out by checking Find My. I wasn't looking for anything in particular; I had just opened the app and saw her avatar floating in New York City. I would have never known she was here without this technology, as she didn't post on the usual social media channels.

I was hurt and upset that she didn't tell me. When I told her this bothered me and that I wished she had reached out before her visit, she told me she would tell me the next time she came to town. The next time she was in New York City, however, she hid her location from me. This made me reevaluate our friendship and how close I thought we were. We don't share locations with each other anymore.

Like a lot of social platforms, Find My has its benefits and drawbacks. Access to this technology can compound feelings of FOMO, and if you spend too much time looking, you might lurk too long and see something that hurts your feelings. You might see a friend who came to town without telling you. You might see friends hanging out without inviting you, leading to possible feelings of exclusion.

That same Bumble survey found 49 percent of Gen Z respondents check Find My or other location-sharing services as much as they do other social media apps. Nearly one in two (46 percent) Gen Z respondents have at least 10 contacts on Find My.

But with this level of visibility, is there greater accountability? Now, app users can see if someone is running later to a hang than they led on or ditched the party without saying bye. I am intently aware that it's possible my friends can check my location to see if I've actually left my apartment when I text, "On my way!"

When you share locations, you take on the responsibility of understanding that friends can check in on you at any point — for better or for worse.

I'm not immune to the pull of checking in on my Sims from time to time, just for fun. I have over 20 friends I share my location with and have for years. Many are friends who don't live in the same state as me, and when we shared locations with each other, it felt like we reached a new level of friendship. Truth is, although it's taken on new life as pseudo-social-media, Find My is still a helpful tool for making sure friends get home safely or checking in as needed. After all, Sims need friends, too.

Meredith Wilshere is a freelance lifestyle and travel writer who writes about everything from ghosting to going places, from "the ick" to international travel. In addition to PS, her work can be found in Business Insider, StyleCaster, and Substack, among other publications.