Should I Let My Kid Watch Shows Made by Men Accused of Sexual Assault?

Dear Doyin,

My partner and I are raising a 9-year-old daughter in Brooklyn, and we are a very progressive and feminist household. We have really enjoyed watching some of the sitcoms from our youth with our daughter, including "Punky Brewster" and "The Nanny." The formative sitcom I really wish we could share with her is "The Cosby Show" (it was so good!), but of course, the star and creator is problematic, to say the least. Should I just forget about it and move on, or is there a way to watch "The Cosby Show" with my daughter while also acknowledging or explaining the crimes of the creator?

— Conflicted

Dear Conflicted,

Think of it this way. Let's say there's a restaurant you've enjoyed since you were a kid. The food is phenomenal, the service is top-notch, and the atmosphere suits you perfectly. Although you've never met the owners of the place, you've eaten there since you were a child and you've built fond memories that you want to pass on to your 9-year-old daughter by visiting this establishment frequently. Now let's picture that the owner of the establishment was involved in a heinous crime that shook you to your core. Although the owner is doing jail time for the felonious act, the family's name is still attached to the restaurant and people still support the establishment.

Would you still eat there? I know I wouldn't.

One of the biggest tenets of parenting is teaching our kiddos right from wrong and creating boundaries around the "wrongs." The sad reality is there are millions of Americans who will tell their kids that lying, sexual assault, infidelity, misogyny, and racism are wrong and then proudly line up in November to vote for a person who embodies all of those things.

But that's why it's important for us to make choices that actually reflect our values. There's a reason, for example, why I will never support a specific popular electric car brand or eat at a popular fast-food chicken restaurant that's regularly closed on Sundays. The owners of those businesses do not pass the vibe check for what I want to introduce to my children, so I refuse to give them my time, energy, and hard-earned money.

On the flip side, the beauty of living on this floating rock in space is there are unlimited options to choose regarding cars, restaurants, music, and television shows. Do you think "The Cosby Show" is the only good old-school sitcom featuring a Black family? "Family Matters" and "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" are just two that come to mind without even trying.

I'm sure I'll slip up at times, but I make a point of not supporting people, places, or things that do not align with the values I teach my children. To be clear, we're not talking about someone who made a mistake, because we're all human. But sexual assault isn't a "mistake" — it's a conscious decision that results in the irreparable harm to another person, and that is something I could never turn the other cheek on. So if your daughter mentions something she heard about a celebrity who did something abhorrent and asks why you don't want to support that individual, the same rule above applies. Inform her that what this person did is not OK and supporting their work means supporting them as well.

Yes, I know people will argue that you should separate the art from the artist, but I'm not buying that for a minute. If I found out that my favorite pizza joint is being run by an overt racist, I'm not going there anymore. If I found out that my favorite actor or musician was a sex offender, I'm not watching their shows or listening to their music. There are too many good people who deserve love and support for similar work, and we should give it to them. It's really that simple, and that's the message we should impart to our children.

Teach your daughter that not everyone is worthy of her attention, and she should choose wisely who she gives it to.

— Doyin

Doyin (pronounced "doe-ween") Richards is a bestselling children's author, dynamic keynote speaker, and critically acclaimed DEI consultant. His clients range from Fortune 100 companies to elementary schools, and he inspires people to be open about mental health/mental illness and embrace anti-racism in work, school, and beyond. He also delivered a TEDx talk on anti-racism. Doyin is a PS Council member.